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Cats and Mice and Heaven

Saturday  October 31, 2009

One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. There he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to the cat, “You lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know.”

The cat thinks for a moment and says, “Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor.” The Lord stops the cat and says, “Say no more,” and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to heaven. Again, there is the Lord there to great them with the same offer.

The mice answered, “All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we’re tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don’t have to run anymore?” The Lord says, “Say no more,” and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.

About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, “How are things since you got here?”

The cat stretches and yawns and replies, “It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those ‘Meals On Wheels’ you’ve been sending by are the best!”

Pregnant Cat

Saturday  October 31, 2009

A woman telephoned a veterinarian and asked him to come examine her cat. “I don’t know what’s wrong with her,” the woman told him. “She looks as if she’s going to have kittens, but that’s impossible. She’s never been out of the house except for when I had her on a leash.” The vet examined the cat and said there was no question about her pregnancy.

“But she can’t be,” protested the woman. “It’s impossible.”

At that point a large tom cat emerged from under the sofa.

“How about him?” asked the vet.

“Don’t be silly,” answered the woman. “That’s her brother.”

50 Great Quickie Cat Jokes

Saturday  October 31, 2009

 

  • Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record.
  • Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.
  • What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
  • What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom.
  • Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
  • What is a cat’s favourite song? Three Blind Mice.
  • What did the freshman computer science major say when he was told that the work stations had mice? Don’t you have a cat?
  • What is a cat’s way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement.
  • How did a cat take first prize at the bird show? He just jumped up to the cage, reached in, and took it.
  • Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court? For kitty littering.
  • Why did the litter of communist kittens become capitalists? Because they finally opened their eyes.
  • Why are cats better than babies? Because you only have to change a litter box once a day.
  • What is the name of the unauthorized autobiography of the cat? Hiss and Tell.
  • What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cat? A big furry creature that purrs while it sits on your lap and squashes you.
  • What does a cat do when it gets mad? It has a hissy fit.
  • What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator.
  • What happened when the cat went to the flea circus? He stole the whole show!
  • What is a cat’s favourite colour? Purrrrrrrple!
  • Where does a cat go when it loses its tail? The retail store.
  • What does a cat like to eat on a hot day? A mice cream cone.
  • What do cats use to make coffee? A purrcolator.
  • What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck? A duck filled fatty puss.
  • If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on? Their paws.
  • Why is the cat so grouchy? Because he’s in a bad mewd.
  • If there are ten cats on a boat and one jumps off, how many cats are left on the boat? None! They were copy cats.
  • Is it bad luck if a black cat follows you? That depends on whether you’re a man or a mouse.
  • How does the cat get its own way? With friendly purrsuasion.
  • What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew.
  • What has more lives than a cat? A frog because it croaks every night.
  • What is a cat’s favourite subject in school? HISStory.
  • What do cats like to eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies.
  • How do cats end a fight? They hiss and make up.
  • What’s happening when you hear “woof… splat… meow… splat?” It’s raining cats and dogs.
  • Why are cats such good singers? Because they’re very mewsical.
  • What do you call newborn kittens who keep getting passed from owner to owner? Chain litter.
  • What is the cat’s favourite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
  • How many cats can you put into an empty box? Only one. After that, the box isn’t empty.
  • Why do you always find the cat in the last place you look? Because you stop looking after you find it.
  • If a cat can jump five feet high, then why can’t it jump through a three foot window? Because the window is closed.
  • What is a cat’s favourite movie? “The Sound of Mewsic.”
  • What does a cat that lives near the beach have in common with Christmas? Sandy Claws.
  • Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can’t? Your lap.
  • Why did the cat put oil on the mouse? Because it squeaked.
  • What side of the cat has the most fur? The OUT-side.
  • What is a cat’s favourite car? The Catillac.
  • What kind of cat will keep your grass short? A Lawn Meower.
  • Why did the judge dismiss the entire jury made up of cats? Because each of them was guilty of purrjury.
  • What do you use to comb a cat? A catacomb.
  • Why did the cat run from the tree? Because it was afraid of the bark!
  • Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide? Because he’s always spotted.
  • First post test for this category

    Saturday  October 31, 2009

    first post test for this category

    Peanut Butter and Honey Dog Biscuits

    Friday  October 16, 2009

    3/4 cup flour1 egg1 Tablespoon Honey1 teaspoon peanut butter1/4 cup vegetable shortening1 teaspoon baking soda1/4 teaspoon salt1/4 cup rolled oats1/2 teaspoon vanillaHeat honey and peanut butter until runny (about 20 seconds in the microwave. Mix ingredients together and drop by 1/2 teaspoonful onto cookie sheet and bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 8 to 10 minutes. My dog is a Pug, and a half a biscuit is plenty for her. So if you have a bigger or smaller dog, adjust the biscuit size (and the cooking time).This normally makes about 45 to 50 biscuits.

    Breast Cancer Awareness in Dogs and Cats

    Saturday  October 10, 2009

    October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but breast cancer doesn’t just threaten people, it also threatens the health of dogs and cats.

    Breast cancer occurs in dogs and cats and is equally serious. It is more common in dogs and than cats, but when a cat gets it in can be far more aggressive.

    Symptoms:
    Dogs normally have five mammary glands on both the right and left side of their abdomen and chest. When tumors develop, they most commonly begin in the lower glands toward the groin. They can be single or multiple nodules and feel like a solid mass or as soft swellings. Most commonly, they may feel like small pieces of pea gravel just under the skin and have smooth or irregular surfaces.

    Growth rates can be rapid in just a short period of time and it’s not unusal for them to double in size every month or so.

    It’s Most Common In:
    Mammary tumors are more common in unspayed, middle-aged female dogs between five and ten years of age. But they can, on rare occasions, be found in dogs as young as two years old.

    Having a dog spayed before her first heat cycle can eliminate her chance of ever developing breast cancer. The chance goes up to one in four if she is spayed after just two heat cycles. Removing of the source of reproductive hormones is the reason for such a powerful preventive effect.

    How Can Tumors Be Treated?
    Many of the same treatments used for people are used for dogs with this type of cancer. Surgery is the treatment of choice and can be done in a number of different ways, including removal of an entire row of mammary glands along with the lymph nodes in the groin and armpit or just by removing a solitary lump.

    Chemotherapy is available in high-quality practices and radiation therapy at veterinary referral centers, but neither of those methods has been very successful in managing breast cancer in dogs.

    The latest hope comes in the form of anti-hormonal drugs that may turn off the cancerous process.

    Cancer Research:
    The condition is so similar between people and dogs that advancements are mutually beneficial. Information from the American Association for Cancer Research indicates that trends in naturally occurring breast cancer in dogs has advanced knowledge about how this cancer grows and identified ways for controlling it in people.

    Dogs help in these cancer studies because cancer occurs at similar rates in dogs and people. Dogs also live in our environment, eat similar foods, and they’re exposed to the same potential cancer-causing agents during their life. Also, biologically, they have similar immune system features.

    There are, however, striking differences in the incidence of breast cancer between different breeds of dogs. Springer spaniels and Doberman Pinschers, for instance, have the highest incidence of breast cancer compared with the Rough Coated Collie, for which the risk is almost 65 times lower.

    It’s exactly that difference that excites researchers who believe that this variation could be due to certain genes. Now, we know a lot of people who struggle with cancers that run in their families. Just imagine what could happen if we if we knew what that gene were; it could really help us learn how to shut down cancer.

     


     

    If you want to contact the Pet Vet, you can reach Dr. Visser at either the Roseland Animal Hospital by calling 272-6100 or at the Center for Animal Health by calling 888-PETS-VETS.

    Gingham Dog and Cat Biscuits

    Tuesday  September 29, 2009

    1 cup whole wheat flour2 tablespoons wheat germ1/4 cup bran flakes1/4 cup soy flour1 tablespoon molasses2 tablespoons oil — or fat1 tablespoon kelp –or salt1 teaspoon sage1/2 teaspoon bone meal1/3 cup milk –or waterMix all ingredients together. Knead and shape into crescents, rounds or sticks for dogs. For cats, roll out and cut into narrow strips or ribbons. Bake 25-30 minutes in a moderate oven (350 degrees) until lightly toasted. Watch the narrow strips as they tend to get done sooner than the others. If the biscuits are not hard enough, leave them in the oven with the heat turned off for an hour or as long as desired.

    Duct-tape cat abuser arrested

    Tuesday  September 29, 2009

    catducttape.jpgThe person who wrapped a cat named Sticky in duct tape has been arrested. He is identified as 19 year-old James Davis of North Philadelphia.

    According to the Philadelphia Inquirer, Pennsylvania SPCA law enforcement officials arrested Davis on Saturday night after receiving a tip.

    Davis admitted to the animal abuse charge, saying that he spontaneously decided to wrap the cat’s entire body in duct tape after seeing the cat in the yard of his parents’ home, reports the Philadelphia Inquirer. When the cat’s screams became too annoying after a couple of hours, Davis threw the cat in a neighbor’s yard where it lay for 12 hours before being spotted last Tuesday by a passerby. 

    The SPCA, which named the cat Sticky, still has possession of the cat. Many people have called claiming to own the cat, but none have been able to prove it, reports the Philadelphia Inquirer.

    Davis could be sentenced to two years in prison and a fine of at least $1,000, reports the Philadelphia Inquirer.

    Jillian Barberie with her dog Teddy

    Monday  September 7, 2009

    jillianbarberi.jpg

    Pet Puffs

    Monday  September 7, 2009

    Ingredients:
    1 package Dry yeast
    1/4 cup Warm water(110-115F.)
    1 1/2 cups Whole wheat flour
    1 cup All-Purpose flour
    1 package Unflavored gelatin
    1 cup Non-fat dry milk powder
    1/4 cup Corn oil
    1 Egg
    1 Can pet food — (6 to 8 oz)
    1/4 cup Water

    Instructions:
    Dissolve yeast in 1/4 cup warm water. Mix dry ingredients. Add all ingredients together. (Dough will be very stiff; it may be necessary to mix with your hands.) Drop dough by level half-teaspoons onto ungreased cookie sheet. Bake in a preheated 300F. oven 25 minutes.